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A Game Between Friends by =kwazo:iconkwazo:





1600BC

Siamun sat on his wooden chair, leaning back on its hind legs. He watched Kenemetankh’s amused face, as his great hands scraped the three dull coins off the table.
   “If I get three tails on this throw then I win!” Kenemetankh said, his smile widening. A flame danced in the oil lamp, casting a lively reflection on his sweaty brow. He scratched his stubble, then ran his hand slowly through his thick black hair. Pausing, before he let a solitary coin loose from his clasp. Arcing across the board it span towards Siamun, moving slower and slower until it fell.   
    “Tails!” Kenemetankh exclaimed, his smile wider than ever. He raised his great arm once more and threw another coin. Again it span towards Siamun, toppling over as it knocked against one of the Jackal pins on the board.
     “Tails again! One more and I win. Let me tell you those dates are looking very tasty; they will be going home with me for once!” Kenemetankh chuckled.
      Siamun smiled back; he had never lost a game of Dogs and Jackals to Kenemetankh.
     “You know you have luck for no more than two throws in a game,” Siamun said, before picking up one of the larger sweet wine cakes on the table and taking a healthy bite.
     “We’ll see!” Kenemetankh replied as he let the third coin flick out from between his fingers. Spinning on a single axis it started to slow, before tipping onto one side.
    “Wrath of Ra! Heads, always the same! I don’t know why I even play,” Kenemetankh grumbled.
      Siamun laughed. In a way he felt sorry for Kenemetankh, yet he wouldn't lose for all of Egypt. He took a big swig of beer from his carved wooden cup, swashing the sweet liquid around his mouth. Raising his arm, Siamun threw all three coins at once. One by one they fell to one side with gentle clinks as they hit the wooden board.
      “Three heads, well that’s three moves and well that means…I win!” Siamun said calmly, pretending it couldn’t have gone the other way.
    “Good game but your luck will fade some time,” Kenemetankh jokingly quipped.
    Siamon mused while crumbling some bread he had broken off; he knew they had more serious business to talk about.

“My friend, enough of these games now. We have important matters to discuss,” Siamun said, catching Kemetankh's eye.
“You know as well as I do, it is time the Hyksos were removed from power and we Egyptians controlled our own lands!” he said, before getting up and walking over to the dark wooden table in the corner. It was dimly lit by candles and was covered in fruits with various pots and containers around the edge.
   He picked up a jug of beer and poured himself another, splashing some on the dusty wooden floor.
     “Well yes, I agree and we can both fight well but we are only two city guards. What could we possibly do? Storm them?!” Kenemetankh asked sarcastically, his bushy eye brows raising.
        Siamun moved back across the room. Sitting back down on his rickety chair, he glanced out the window of his town house towards the street below.
     Warm air wafted through the window, tinted with the smell of turmeric and cumin from the stock room next door. The dark street was empty, other than a lone policeman trudging up the hill with his staff. Light from the odd oil lamp could be seen from only a few windows of the opposite building. One of the the lights was glowing dimly behind a grey cloth blind at the brothel, which often brought undesirables to his neighbourhood.
     Siamun’s thought chain snapped back to the conversation and Kenemetankh's mocking remarks.
“Well, I've heard rumours that here in Thebes a certain Prince, Amhose is planning an uprising, said to march on Avaris!” Siamun said, with a new passion.
     “If indeed he plans to do this, then I will stand up and be counted like the rest! There is more than a fool's hope with an army led by a Thebian prince. Surely the Gods will favour us! And even better we can finally leave the guard!” Kenemtankh replied.
     “No more orders and menial tasks from that wretched Siapopis.” Enthused Siamun.
     “We should teach him a lesson before we go! Let him know what it’s like to do a hard days work scrubbing the barracks!” Kenemetankh boomed merrily.
      “Sounds like a plan my friend! Carrying out the will of Ma'at cannot be wrong,” Siamun replied with a smirk.
      Kenemetankh raised himself and straightened his white flaxen robe.
“It’s late and I must take my leave, Siamun. Meet me tomorrow at the market, let’s see if we have enough coin for some meat as a leaving treat! We also need to discuss the prince's plan further,” he said, turning to pick up his bronze spear and guard's shield, engraved with the symbol of the Sekem, showing his authority.
     “Ok my friend, take these dates as well, as a gift, I’m still getting through yesturdays winnings,” Siamum said gently as he rose from his seat.
     Taking the dates, Kenemetankh turned and ambled towards the door.
“I will win the next game of Dogs and Jackals you know!” he said without looking back.
     Siamun smiled. His friend was a hulk of a man who was insurpassable in battle – yet for all his strength, the mind is quicker than the spear.
©2004-2009 =kwazo
:iconkwazo:

Author's Comments

Just finished a big edit on this, using all critique I have recieved! Thank you.



This is an assignment for We had a choice of:

1) tale of occupants in a late night bar
2) revenge on the boss from hell
3) civil war between two conflicting states
4) fallen Egyptian dynasty and their empire

So I chose to use all of them, substituting the bar for drinking in a house.

The story is set in 1600BC when the Egyptians over threw the Hykos rulers that had been ruling for over 100 years. The army was lead by King Amhose but I am writing the story from one normal mans view.

If you need to know what anything is in the story just ask.

Comments


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:iconflameinnight:
good start cant wait for more there is more right well one thing king? thought they had pharos

--
As i walked through the tree topped path the sun broke through there scattered leaves i started to cry, nay i wept as the sunlinght touched my face
:iconangel-2004:
A very informative and descriptive start, setting the stage for future chapters. I'll be waiting patiently for the next chapter. :D

Check the last sentence for typos... "he have" should be "he had"?

Great job :D
:iconkwazo:
They did have pharaohs yes,

but think of the names "The valley of the kings" and all of the early dynastic kings. The Hykos also had kings. Amhose was an Egyptian prince him and the other Theban princes (like Kamose) regained power, Amhose may not have been the main player in the take back. Amhose was the ruler of Egypt around 1550 BC he was Pharaoh/King.

OOOps went into history mode, basically pharaoh = king
:iconkwazo:
Thank you will go check it :)
:iconflameinnight:
you say that but pharaoh totally crazy dude that can make buildings more efficitant o woops thats age of metholigy

--
As i walked through the tree topped path the sun broke through there scattered leaves i started to cry, nay i wept as the sunlinght touched my face
:iconpenultimatedishonest:
A good story, but I noticed you tend to have a lot of run-ons. Break up your sentences appropriately, put periods and commas where they belong, and you'll have a great piece here.
I'll point out a few run-on sentences:

"Tails again! One more and I win and let me tell you those dates are looking very tasty, they will be going home with me for once!”

"It’s late and I must be off Siamun, meet me tomorrow at the market let’s see if we have enough coin for some meat as a leaving treat!. . ."

Siamun smiled, his friend was a hulk of a man and could beat anyone in a fight but just had no luck with gambling.


So, aside from a few awkward sentences like that, you're doing fine.

--
Good things come to those who wait. Good things come faster to those who don't.
:iconkwazo:
Cheers for that :) I'll have another few blasts through it and iron out some more errors :)
:iconleftomaniac:
Aside from the grammar stuff that's already been mentioned, you did a nice job here. Very tantalizing. You give a "five senses" feel without spending much time on description. (Though if you plan to continue this into a multi-chapter things, I'd suggest throwing in a longer description later.) There was one thing that bothered me, though- did people say "bugger it" in ancient Egypt? It kind of took me out of the story.

--
"God keeps stealing my friends." -Ken
:iconleftomaniac:
...Oh! Forgot to mention- I am soooooo impressed you took on all four topics at once... I'd have shrunk away in terror. ^_^

--
"God keeps stealing my friends." -Ken

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June 27, 2004
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